News has always taken an important role in our culture, since it is how many, if not all of us get our information, whether through news itself, or hearing about news. It is the reason journalists should be held in such a high regard, since without newspapers, or news shows, the common citizen would have to work so much harder just to get a daily dose of current events.

How would someone know what the president said in their address to the nation, or what countries were fighting with one another, or whether war was about to break our or not? Without news, people would be lost, unable to get a reliable stream of information each and every day.

Every single article, morning news show, and podcast is important, in that regard, because of how valuable it is in contributing knowledge to the general podcast. However, every so often, a news publication publishes something so incredibly incredible it puts all other forms of news to shame. This article, that you are reading, is an example of this. This article, plainly put, will blow any readers mind. The New York Times wished the the Pentagon Papers were as interesting as this article right here.

This article, as a student at the NYC iSchool, Malcolm Chorao, described it, is “probably the best thing I’ve ever read,” adding, “that’s what you wanted me to say right? Now can I go home?”Ignoring the second part of that and focusing on what’s important, what this goes to show is that just an average high school student can even recognize how amazing this article is.

This article is so mind-numbingly good that Chorao’s peer, Alex Tobes, claimed that “I almost died trying to read it, it’s so unbelievably [not] confusing and [not] horribly written.” That’s right, this student felt that the pure overwhelmingly goodness of the article made him feel so changed and enlightened that experiencing death and whatever comes after was the only possibility that could even potentially come close to being as euphoric as the experience of reading it. That’s how insanely good this article is.

In a normal article, the author would probably introduce the topic of said article relatively quickly, but this is no normal article. This article still needs more preface, because it’s unlikely that you, the reader, are properly prepared for the completely awe-inspiring, mind-blowing, perhaps even spiritual, and all around life changing article before you. This article, and I can’t stress this enough, is really good.

Honestly, anyone who reads this article should feel great pride in that fact, as in probably only a handful of years this article will be pointed to as the gold standard of journalism. If you were to travel to the future and look at the 2019 version of 100 fantastic pieces of journalism, this article will be number one. Anybody who reads it right when it comes out will be able to brag to their friends and family about how they read the best article ever written before anyone else did, before it’s quick and drastic rise to the forefront of culture.

This article will be spoken about for decades, centuries, maybe, and only if human civilization lasts that long, even longer. Actually, this article might even be found by aliens from a distant world, exploring the now dead earth where humans are no longer, and after translating it to their language, even they will hold it up as the perfect article, perhaps even the perfect piece of writing, throughout all of space and time. And you are about to read this article.

But not yet, because no normal person would already be truly ready to embark on the journey that is this article.

Another student of the NYC iSchool, S. Dexter Dore (who has nothing to do with this article at all by the way), spoke of how much he had to do to prepare for the reading of this article. “I actually spent an entire year in a monastery with monks, on the top of one of the tallest mountains in Asia, meditating and expanding my mind through their ancient texts and practices, and even then I knew I was not ready to read the article. I spent another six months practicing meditation, poetry, and yogo, to truly purify my mind, body, and soul, before reading the article, and let me tell you, there is no way to even comprehend how beautifully wonderful the article truly is. Even my year and a half of preparing myself didn’t even come close to enough. The article changed my life.”

That’s right, this article is so great that it changed a man’s life, as it will most likely change yours. Now, with the preparation out of the way, you may be at least somewhat ready to experience true nirvana, otherwise known as this very article.

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