Verne Troyer vs. Andre the Giant

Ben Langsam

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Throughout history, there have been some matchups that everyone have wanted but never happened. Ali vs. Tyson, Jordan vs. LeBron, etc. But there has been matchups that could really change the way people view things. So this is the question that maybe not all of us have been asking, but all of us would want to know.

How many Verne Troyer’s will it take to defeat one Andre the Giant?

Honestly, science still doesn’t have a proper answer. There will be estimates but never exactly. But we’ll find out eventually.

Some people ask, ‘Why even ask the question in the first place?’, ‘who cares?’, and ‘who is Verne Troyer and Andre the Giant?’. And some of those are good questions.

To answer the first, it’s for science and hypothetical’s. We test this to see two odd people going against each other. We want to know how many numbers do you need for it to really be strength in numbers. We tested collective power, strength, and smarts against pure strength and power.

To answer question 2, plenty of people care, take time to do the research.

And question 3, Verne Troyer and Andre the Giant are essentially polar opposites of each other. Verne was born with cartilage–hair hypoplasia, a rare genetic disorder that can result in short-limbed dwarfism and little hair growth.

Kiernan last name, a freshman, said, “I don’t know, at least 5. Like maybe at least 20”. He’s not wrong, even if he’s off a bit, it’s a good guess,

Andre was born with gigantism caused by excessive growth hormone. So that’s who they are.      

Verne next to 27 donuts                                                         Andre next to 3 wrestlers

So now, the first step is to consider stats, (weight, height, strength, etc.) and think about this logically.   

Stats                Verne Troyer

                  Andre the Giant

Height 2’8’’ 7’0’’
Weight 35-50 lbs 520 lbs
Hand SIze About 4 inches 16 inches
Strength Has deadlifted 60 lbs Has deadlifted 2000 lbs

 

So now that’s all out of the way, let’s get to the main event, and try to find out how many Verne’s will it take to defeat one Andre the Giant in full contact fighting.

However, as one might assume, there isn’t a lot online to help me with the research. So a good way to do it is that I watched YouTube videos of 1 person taking on many, Andre videos, any videos that included a lot of something fighting 1 big thing.    

To start of simple, we should shoot for a number like 10 Vernes (VT’s) going against Andre. This would probably not work due to Andre being able to kick, even if he wasn’t a strong kicker. This is a list of possible ways the VT’s could strategize to take him down.

  1. Toss and charge. VT could lift around 60 lbs and he weighed from 50 to 35 lbs, so if 2-3 VTs were to pick up another one and toss him at Andre and then charge at his legs, this could be a good distract tactic. However, Andre would most likely be able to catch him and sling him back at the other VT’s effortlessly, especially because VT wasn’t that fast.
  2. Circle together and close in. This tactic is good and bad. Good because there would be no room for Andre to go if a circle of VT’s closed around his legs slowly. Except, Andre wasn’t only tall, he had a lot of fat and muscle, and thus his center of gravity was quite strong. Also, if quick enough, Andre could grab one VT, pick up and swing, effectively swinging the others for some time because they would be holding on to each other for the circle. Andre would swing them around like a rope.

I haven’t been discussing numbers as much so what would happen if 50 VTs went against Andre. Honestly, they wouldn’t do that well because their combined strength couldn’t match one wide arm sweep from Andre.

Luca Swan Zorgotski, a sophomore at the NYC iSchool,  said, “I think 300 Troyers to play it safe”, Luca says. When it comes down to the raw power, 300 will win with more ease. 200 is bare minimum, what we were looking for.

100 VTs would be more interesting but could be Andre’s game. Tactics would definitely help the VTs on this one but they just wouldn’t be fast enough to get to him effectively. There’s a possibility of tiring him out but remember, they’re not just going against a wrestler, they’re going against a man who has beaten two 230+ men fighting him simultaneously, the man who had to be taken out of a ring by 8 different wrestlers, the man who once flipped over a car containing 4 men in it because they tried to start a bar fight with him. And that’s not all.  

  1. This one might actually work. First, there would have to be at least 150+ VT’s, and what they need to do is go for the back. Andre had a terrible back, which would make sense if you were 7’0’’ and 500 lbs. So what the strategy would be is just aim for the back. Distract the front but really attack the back. This might be able to bring the giant down. Maybe this would all depend on Andre’s agility. In his prime, it wasn’t a lot, but for him it was enough. Dwarfism limits quick movements in joints. So again, VT’s wouldn’t be all that quick. When the dust clears, Andre the Giant will be victorious, barely.

 

“Oh a solid 57 Verne’s. They can take him with small weapons,” says sophomore
ex Rubin. However, once I explained to him that it’s only hand to hand combat, he changed his answer, “then probably 150, at least.” We then got into a heated argument about this topic. We argued for an hour non stop, until I convinced him otherwise. The next paragraph you’ll see why.  

 This is the best way for VT to win. You’ll need at least 200 of them. At least. Same tactic as number 4, go for the back, but this time there would be more. Andre could definitely take out a lot of them, but eventually the fatigue will bring him down alongside too many VT’s. Imagine it’s as difficult for Andre as it is for you to have to walk back up all 5 flights of stairs, through all the students coming down, just because you forgot something in a class.                       

Sadly, we’ll never be able to truly test this experiment because Andre the Giant passed away on January 27, 1993 from congestive heart failure. Also, Verne Troyer passed away on April 21, 2017, from self induced alcohol poisoning. May they both rest in peace. That’s the only reason the experiment could take place, no other scientifically impossible problem with multiple Verne Troyer’s fighting Andre the Giant in hand to hand combat.   

Through intense mathematics, my team has come to the conclusion that there needs to be 208.7 VT’s to successfully defeat Andre the Giant in one fight.